Traditional Capitalism:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION #2 aka The Enron Venture Capitalism
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters
of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights
of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman
Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells
the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual
report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you
with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create
clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute…
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for
lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others
for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory,
an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their
calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
A "PROGRESSIVE" CORPORATION
You sold your cows to donate money to a 527 to elect a guy who promised to buy you more cows. Sucker. Thats the loan officer on the phone you hear.
