Pirate's Cove

Very simple review in 4 words. Don’t waste your time.

The dialogue, what little their is, is dumb, and adds almost nothing to the overall plot. You thought the dialogue in Revenge of the Sith was lame? It’s Hemingway in comparison to Terminator Salvation.

The plot, what little there is, makes little sense, doesn’t jibe well with the previous movies, and is basically there to barely prop up violence and fighting scenes. I can barely nitpick it, because there is so little. And don’t get me started on the ending.

Shaky cam. Seemingly half the movie was shaky cam, and quite a bit of that was zoomed in shaky cam. Hollywood really needs to stop this silliness.

Special effects. Weak. OK, it’s only supposed to be 2018, but, come on, where are the cool terminators and high tech? I might have accepted less if there was dialogue, a plot, and interpersonal development, but, since there was very little of that, meh.

Interpersonal development, otherwise known as “drama.” This was still the main focus in the first three, and I was concerned that it would be mostly missing after seeing the previews. And, it was.

Christian Bale. Close your eyes and you think you are watching Batman. Same gravely voice, same inflection. Perhaps he could have used some of the anger he used off camera to become a human. The actors all made me think I was watching Prozac Nation. Wait, that is not fair to Prozac Nation. Even Christina Ricci showed more emotion (we got to see her completely nude, as a bonus.)

Even the opening credits were lame.

Best part about the movie? The original web poster. Most of the posters are better.

Wait for it to come out on video. Do not buy it. I can tell you, I won’t watch it again when it does come out. Once is enough. It’s the type you can make it through once. If I did rent it, I wouldn’t turn it off 10 minutes in like other movies (couldn’t stand Let The Right One In,) which is the only reason why it gets a solid D rather then an F. I’d rather see BloodRayne a second time.

PS: looks like a lot of users and critics disagree with me over at Yahoo Movies. Critics equal a C+, Yahoo users a B. Mick LaSalle is close, though he is more charitable then I am. I guess you’ll have to decide for yourself. I still say it sucks.