How about a knuckle sandwich? (via Tom Nelson)
(Skeptical Science, a website which is anything but) The end of 2013 is racing into view along with a cluster of holidays traditionally involving gifts. Many of us face the puzzling question of what will please or prove useful to people whom we care about. Gift selection is a problem easier to solve when thinking about children but increasingly difficult as our beneficiaries grow older and often more cranky.
Holidays and celebratory gatherings are also an opportunity to hone our diplomatic skills. When a large number of relatives gather under one roof we have an opportunity to practice biting our tongues in favor of peace and harmony. Friendship and familial ties should transcend our urge to reignite favorite arguments.
If embarrassing everybody with yet another argument is off limits, why not let gifts speak for you? If you find yourself grinding your teeth at other times of the year over disagreements about physics and how the subject pertains to the increasingly torrid surface of Earth, here is a selection of gifts as cathartic for you as they are improving for those very special people in your life, such as your lovable but crazy uncle who thinks the sea floor is littered with undetectable volcanoes.
What gifts do they offer? Well, they say the first should be “the free gift of bemused toleration.” Then two Warmist books. Paying for carbon offsets. But, when all else fails, give them a lump of coal as the final gift selection.
Here’s my list of gifts to give to Warmists
- The Mad, Mad, Mad World of Climatism (which I mentioned many, many times. Give them the paperback edition)
- The Not Evil Just Wrong DVD
- Into the Dustbin: Rajendra Pachauri, the Climate Report & the Nobel Peace Prize by Donna Laframboise.
- A programmable thermostat with a heavy duty lockbox, so you can set their heat to 64 and A/C to 80, because those are the temps they say everyone else should live with. You keep the key
- A bicycle and a tire lock for their fossil fueled vehicle. You keep the key
What would you recommend as a gift for a warmist? Oh, here’s one. A handy dandy link to real world climate data
The majority of the country is at or below the historical norm. Weird, right?
1)A year’s subscription to the Pirate’s Cove
2)An electronic weather station with daily announcements of atmospheric Co2 content inside and outside.
3)The Coffee Table edition of “If All You Can See…”
ROFL Blick!!!
I’d suggest a wearable Carbon Meter. It would show how much “Carbon” the person was using\emitting per minute one one side, and the amount that they had “offset” on the other.
It would be not be removable once put on. And it would auto-upload the information to a publicly available website.
I would then suggest, that since Leftists love inequality in taxation, that those who proffer increasing taxes on those who emit “Carbon”, create a “Carbon” tax for those who are in favor of such a tax, but then don’t live carbon-neutral.
Or, I’d give them an all expense paid airplane ticket to the Arctic circle, a surprise trip mind you, for 2 weeks. If they can survive those 2 weeks (using nothing but their CAGW rhetoric and GAIA-saving beliefs) with the VERY LIMITED number of polar bears and sea lions and intense polar heat, then we will let them back in America. If they can’t, then ….. well….. nuff said.