I’ll blow by the lead in and go right to the 10 New Year’s resolutions for a guilt-free 2015 (note: bold and italic is from Grist)
- Go steerage. So what if there are no ships between NYC and San Fran. Hitch-hike. Walk. No flying for you!
- Quit your job: According to Daniel Kamman, distinguished professor of energy at the University of California, Berkeley, “the strongest correlate of high greenhouse gas emissions is income, because when you spend more, you consume more.†And this will remove you from making contact with people who just want to live their lives.
- Eat more roadkill. Because factory farming is Bad or something.
- Shit in a bucket. To quote our dear advice columnist Umbra: “Composting toilets greatly reduce your home water use. Thirty percent or more of the average household’s water gets flushed straight down the conventional toilet — and then there’s the water and energy required to treat the effluent at your local sewage plant. Hey, since you’re already unemployed….
- Breastfeed your kids until kindergarten. This helps save on food waste or something.
- Bathe with the ones you love. Shower with friends and loved ones to save water which can never ever be used again, you guys!
- Wear vintage. Everything. If you’re truly committed to being green in 2015, you need to either quit purchasing new clothes or quit wearing clothes altogether. Your choice.
- Move to a city. Be around other Warmists!
- Don’t get pregnant. I think this is a great idea for all Warmists, thereby reducing the spread of your insane cult.
- Make a billion dollars, fund a super PAC, and pour money into political candidates who will seriously address climate change. Don’t forget to make it while being involved with fossil fuels, like Al Gore and Tom Steyer!
The whole thing seems a little tongue in cheek, a bit overboard, but, really, this is the way Warmists think.
