Pirate's Cove

Valerie Blake, writing for the Washington Blade, “America’s LGBT news source”, gives the story of Jesus an update

The fourth Wise Man: a fractured Christmas story

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, or my personal favorite, Date Nut Bread Day (it’s today!), traditions abound during the holiday season.

Most traditions involve the gathering of family and friends at someone’s home and the consumption of mass quantities of food and, often, drink – sort of like a football game with religious overtones.

As a child, my Nana and I used to play a game of Who Can Tell the Biggest Lie and it’s in the spirit of that game and in remembrance of my late Nana (and not to offend anyone) that I tell you the story of The Fourth Wise Man as it was loosely told to me many years ago.

Once upon a time Mary and her husband, Joseph, were directed to return to their ancestral home to register for the Tax Cut and Jobs Act. Mary was pregnant and the idea of getting their $1,400 refundable child tax credit from Marco Rubio was enticing.

The couple booked a flight to Bethlehem out of Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta, but as luck would have it, they were stranded there for two days due to power outages and lost their hotel reservations.

Interestingly, Valerie does make an interesting point about consumerism, over-sharing on social media, and missing the point of Christmas, and, it’s actually worth the read. But, hey, I cover a certain subject a lot, and, what’s the deal with the fourth Wise Man, whose name is Fred?

In Bethlehem, the wise guys presented their gifts to Baby Jesus.

“I offer you this photo of gold,” said Balthazar. “You can visit the real stuff at Fort Knox. Just call Steven Mnuchin so you can use his plane.”

“I offer you frankincense,” said Melchior. The baby sneezed.

“I offer you myrrh,” said Gaspar. Mary rolled her eyes at Joseph and whispered, “WTF is myrrh?”

“I’ve got this, guys,” said Fred. “I offer Baby Jesus a tuition-free, science-based college education so he can study ways to combat climate change, save the world and bring us peace on Earth.”

Still, most of this is amusing.