This is all your fault for engaging in consumerism and buying presents for people you love and having a big dinner
Now that Santa Claus has done his work for the year distributing presents on Christmas Eve, he should spare time today to ponder about that much-advised move to Antarctica. While climate change is affecting all parts of the planet, warming oceans and other unseasonal factors are taking longer to affect the permafrost down south because of its bigger landmass. And, it is well known that Santa’s abode at Rovaniemi in Lapland cannot deal with warm climes; nor can his team of industrious elves, reportedly.
It is rumoured that even the glow of Rudolph’s famously red nose has been dimming over the years because of the lack of sufficiently biting cold weather inside the Arctic Circle. He could air-condition his home-cum-workshop, but with seas rising, he could then have to finance an underwater premises in the not-too-distant future. So, a move to icier climes may be the only viable solution for Santa and his retinue as most countries appear to be unwilling to do much as yet to halt climate change.
Of course, any move to South Pole would have to take the locals — penguins — into account. The venerable gentlemen (and ladies) in formal black-and-white may not like the idea of a rotund red-and-white immigrant moving into their homeland with bag-and-baggage, not to mention a full complement of reindeer and elves.
Sell it to the penguins as “diversity”.
That’s sick.
Truly.